she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
