You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
