3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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