i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
