he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
