I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
