it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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