somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
