ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
