She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
