What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
