The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Green mimosas i think yes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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