I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
