I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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