Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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