do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
