tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
