the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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