this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
