the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
