He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
