i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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