I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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