dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
