can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
