We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
