I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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