You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
