Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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