Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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