I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
