I got chris browned last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
