Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
