i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
