I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
