Fuck appropriateness.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
