i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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