hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
