my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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