he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Alive.
So much puke
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
