whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
