Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
