Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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