She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
