I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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