The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
