How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
