You smell like a Billy Joel song
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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