I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
