Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
