i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He shit in the fireplace
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
