Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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