Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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