My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
