now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
