I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
