I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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