Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize