Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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