I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
