I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
