Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
