I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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