I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
