He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
