I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
