Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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