I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
