I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
