I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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