It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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