wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
