He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
