There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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