I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
