at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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