I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize