Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This baby is an asshole
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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