help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
