yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
