I skipped work to stalk him.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
