Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This girl is more easily done than said...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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