Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
